this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
