you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My penis needs a shock collar
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
