I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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