Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
