I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
