chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am naked and annoyed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
