I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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