I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
