Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
