I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
