did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
