you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
