Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
