The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
