He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
