Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
