have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
