Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
