Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
