i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
