i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
