mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
