He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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