I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
