it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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