I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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