I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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