I cannot find my penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
