no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
