YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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