the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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