Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
