I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can you bring me the toilet please
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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