dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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