I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
