How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
