He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
