He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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