i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
