Cold hands, warm shart.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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