1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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