Jerry, you need to find god
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
