im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
