I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love black thongs
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
