i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
