i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
