I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
