No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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