You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
