I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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