I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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