Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
