coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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