some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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