i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
